A Letter

Even though I've tried so hard to erase you from my memory, and I did all that I can to stay away from you (delete my face book, delete you from my msn/ym, quit the online game we used to play, erase all my emails relating to you in my inbox, sent folder, trash and even try my best not to bother you anymore), I don't know why I still keep on coming back for you.  I still do think about you.  I can't even explain to you the way I feel inside whenever I think of you.  I just hope you are doing ok and I wish we can be friends again.

I don't know if you will ever get a chance to read this 'cause last time you told me you rarely play and I had quit already then.  I just want you to know if you do get to read this that I wish you well.  Take care always.

My Definition of a “Crush”

A “crush” is someone I’d like to get to know more… someone I want to understand… someone I wonder too much about like wonder what he's doing, wonder what he's thinking, wonder if he's doing ok.

A “crush” isn't someone I'd hope to be my boyfriend without even knowing him enough yet… isn't someone I'd say yes to everything he asks for… isn't someone I can't live without.

I knew it you’re really an exception. You’re a "crush" that I couldn’t really understand. A “crush” that I wanted to stay close to even as “just friends”. A “crush” that I just can't live without.

I miss you.

SNHAFC5YZK36

The Story (Part 1 – How I met him)

I met him in an online RPG game.  Although we were in the same town, we didn’t talk to each other and besides, I’m the quiet type.  I don’t really talk that much in town chat.  Only when he became town chief was I able to really talk to him.  He was really fun to be with.  And it started.  I started to have a crush on him and everyday I would look forward to seeing him online in game.  This happened sometime January 2009.  Everything happened so fast like I had no brakes at all.  It was a trap I couldn’t get out off. 

He made me talk in town chat even if I’m really the quiet type.  It wasn’t long till we started talking in private chat in game, and then in yahoo and msn.  And every time I went hunting or training, he would accompany me.  We’d sit together, AFK together, train and go hunting together.  He has this force I just couldn’t resist.  All my defenses fell off and all that mattered to me then was that I am happy when I’m with him.

Since we started talking in private chat in game, he begun to talk about his personal life, his problems, his daily activities, and random things we could think of.  I didn’t really told him that time that I like him and I like being with him.  Still, there was something inside me telling me to hold back.  He has a girlfriend then. And even if he wouldn’t really say how much he loves her, I can feel that he does.  And it was during this time that I decided we are better off as just friends.  I set that limit for myself so I wouldn’t hope for something else more than a friendship.

The time came when he was having problems with his girlfriend.  I tried to be there with him as a friend, nothing more.   Even if it could have been my chance with him, I didn’t took advantage.  I’m just not the type that would do that.  I’m too nice for my own kind.

Behind a Glass Wall

Here I am, talking behind a glass wall. I know you can't hear me but even if you can, you wouldn't understand me.

I love you. I always have. I don't know why. I didn't asked for this to happen. It just did. And I keep on asking myself why you. Why do I have to fall for someone like you? Why?